She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
