I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i dont even know how to be here
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
