Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
