i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
