she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
