You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
