I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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