peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
