I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
