if only i could text you this smell
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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