Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you had me at cake vodka
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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