he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am one with the molecules
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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