can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
