oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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