out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize