the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
