Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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