what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
