So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize