Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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