Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize