Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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