some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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