Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
