Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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