I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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