is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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