my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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