At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
