I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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