So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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