im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
