If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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