my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize