I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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