guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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