so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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