I am spending my child support on dildos
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They took my balls.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pants are for mortals
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