Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
