i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
