i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize