did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
