I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
