he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
