we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
