i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
