I can text with my tongue
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
