so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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