I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
