Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
