It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize