I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
