I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
