evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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