i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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