There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
