ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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