Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
