I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
