There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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