if i can run in heels then i can drive
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
