They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We left the knife in your bed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
