South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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