oh god the rape fog is back!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
