would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
