I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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