hell yes lets make some ravioli
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
