Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They have beer where we have blood.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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