HIV tests are more positive than that guy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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