no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
