you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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