Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
