you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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