apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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