My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
