hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who died my cat blue again?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize